A Short Glossary Of Terms For Aspiring Writers

I compiled these terms basically for my own amusement and edification but, in looking them over, I decided that they might be worth sharing.  I’ve spent a lot of time (too much, really) reading about the craft of writing and the tools of self-publishing and, in talking with friends and acquaintances in my everyday life, have come to what is, for me, a kind of startling conclusion: I actually managed, after five years or so, to learn a bunch of stuff that other people don’t know and might find useful/interesting.  I know, right? Who’d a thunk it?

I think the big wake up call was when someone I worked with ask me if I offered editing services.  For the record, no, I don’t. I barely have time to work on my own stuff and catch up on the reading I have stashed away on my devices.  Plus, I don’t like/feel comfortable with messing around with other author’s voices. It’s their stuff, not mine; I’m not qualified to make changes to it.

But it got me thinking a lot about process, which is the meat and potatoes of it.  And what better way than my own little Devil’s Dictionary to explain it?

So, here goes.  Maybe I’ll add to this as time goes by.  Bearing in mind that this list is mostly for my own amusement, I still hope that you enjoy them.

A SHORT GLOSSARY OF TERMS FOR ASPIRING WRITERS

AUTHOR:  This is a person who doesn’t do a whole lot of writing but loves having written something.  It’s just a big, huge ego trip. You have been warned. Try imagining a Jimi Hendrix or Eric Clapton who sits around admiring his collection of guitars without ever picking one up and you’ll start to get the idea.  A writer writes compulsively; an author talks about what he’s written. There’s a reason I picked “writerallenprince” instead of “authorallenprince” for my blog URL. I’m picky that way. Plus I drink a lot.

CREATIVE VOICE:  This is the artist inside of you that writes on walls with crayons and permanent marker while reciting long forgotten passages from the Tibetan Book Of The Dead in raspy tones.  This is the spider’s march as we gaze fly-like into its eyes. This is the knife in the dark. This is the guy that plans murders and starts new religions. This is your crazy side, the part that gets repressed.  This is the guy in the cell next door whispering through the wall. You should listen to him. Writing can give you a freedom you’ve never experienced before, but you have to learn to let go. Freedom is a cagey, gamey thing and most people are afraid of it.  Don’t be like them. Listen to your creative voice. Because this is where all the good shit comes from. Don’t be an editor when you write. Learn to listen to the voices in your head. Those voices are people, waiting to be brought to life. In literature classes they sometimes refer to them as characters.  But you’ll never learn how to write one in an English class.  You have to be just a little bit crazy to write fiction. Deal with it or just be a teacher instead.  It’s easier (and probably safer too.)

CYCLING:  Go back and re-read your stuff every 500-1000 words and fix things as you go.  It’ll do wonders for your writing and save you a lot of time when it comes to time to go live.  Just sayin’.

CRITICAL VOICE:  This is the voice that says everything you do SUCKS.  Bitch slap this mouthy pimp into a dank, dungeon corner and cut out his tongue, because he is one useless motherfucker.  It’s not enough to just ignore him. You have to beat his ass senseless and show him who's boss (and that would be your own inner Jim Morrison or Hunter S. Thompson.)

DISCOVERY WRITER:  You know, the real writers out there and not the guys with slide rules and funny looks on their faces (you know who you are.)  Or, put another way: a discovery writer is a writer who makes shit up as they go along. Be like this. It’s fun and it just so happens to produce things that are, oh, I don’t know, fun to read.  That’s why we’re doing this, right? Right? Remember, when the last page is turned, writing is an art, not a science. If you want a technical manual go buy one and read it ‘cause fiction just ain’t your thing.

NOVELETTE:  SFWA definition: 7,500 - 17,500 words.  This form comes very naturally for me. Yeah, I know.  I’m weird. Just throw me some live chickens and I’ll bite the heads off for you.

NOVELLA:  SFWA definition: 17,500 - 40,000 words.  This is kind of what novels used to be, before the publishing industry started screwing shit up.  If you haven’t read one before pick up some Stephen King with his wonderful introductions.  Be careful, though. You can’t eat just one.

ONOMATOPOEIA:  Hey, Stephen King included this in his by now famous book, so I might as well give it a mention here.  I’ll tell you up front - I’m a sucker for this, probably as a result of all the comic books I read as a kid (they’re notorious for using them.)  Basically an onomatopoeia is a word that sounds like what it is. This is a wonderful writing tool that gives us all a lot of room for play and creativity, which shouldn’t come as a surprise.  Kids use them all the time and if you’re a fiction writer who isn’t still a kid at heart then you, my friend, have got some serious play to do. Seriously, get outside, rub some vaseline on your genitals or something and make some airplane noises while you do it (pro tip: do NOT do this pre-coitus - Signed, The Guy Who Never Got Laid Again.)  This writer’s favorite onomatopoeia: ka-chink, that sound a pump action shotgun makes when you’re about to show everyone you mean business.  And you do, right?

OUTLINE WRITER:  This is the writer who plans everything out ahead of time.  To be honest I’d rather spend time diagramming sentences. Not that there’s anything wrong with diagramming sentences, but, geez, can we have a little fun here, that’s all I’m saying.

PAGE COUNT:  Huh? What’s that?  Seriously, in today’s world of electronic distribution, the concept of a page has almost disappeared completely.  Just roll with it. Same goes for books, too.

REVERSE OUTLINING:  This is creating an outline as you discover the story instead of ahead of time then trying to shoehorn everything in.  It works, people. It just does. I like to write my stories in small 1,000-2,000 word chunks, using separate files with descriptive title names.  You’d be surprised how well this works. Need to change something? Go through the file names and it’s easy to find. Plus, and THIS IS A REALLY BIG PLUS, you can write scenes that take place far, far ahead of where you’re at in the story right now, give those files descriptive names, and then, you know, write towards them, filling in the gaps as you go.  It’s a non-linear approach to what is an essentially linear form and it works wonders. You’ll hit a high word count without even trying. Hell, you’ll finish stories without even trying, which is why I can’t possibly recommend it enough.

REWRITING:  It’s like picking at a scab.  Trust me. Generally speaking your first draft is, more or less, what your creative voice is trying to say.  It’s like the wellspring of the unconscious or something. Learn to trust it. Your creative voice wants to tell stories.  Get out of the way and let it. Now, to be clear, sometimes it’s still good to add things in, or make some minor tweaks along the way, but, on the whole, if you fucked it up the first time (and you probably didn’t) then reworking it over and over again isn’t going to fix it.  But hey, that’s just like my opinion, man.

SHORT STORY:  That thing you do when you’re first starting out until you realise that it’s a lot harder than it looks and it’s not what you wanted to be doing anyway.  Seriously these buggers are just too short most of the time for serious character development and exposition. But when they’re done right, wowsers, it’s like getting hit upside the head.  I suck at short stories, but, coming from a long tortuous poetry background, I’ve always had a fondness for them. Economy of language is a wonderful thing and if you have a long love affair with pretty sentences (raises hand, oh me! me! me! pick me! pick me please!) then short stories are definitely worth trying your hand at.  Currently the Science Fiction And Fantasy Writers Of America, or SFWA, defines the short story as anything less than 7,500 WORDS.  So there you have it.

WORD COUNT:  Ignore this at your own risk.  It matters. It just does. Having said that stick with what works for YOU.  There’s nothing wrong with a short novel or a long story and I’m a huge fan of them both.  You should be too. But basically, word count is the only real way to measure the length of what you’ve written and most modern day processors include this function for a reason.  Because, as we all know, the page no longer exists.

WRITER:  This is a person who writes.  Don’t make me say it again. Any time you write something down you are a writer and, yes, it really is that simple.  Any time you talk about writing without actually doing it you are an AUTHOR and those guys are real buzz kills. Seriously, they are stone cold Muse killers.  Avoid them at all costs and if you find that you are in danger of becoming one then avoid yourself completely by writing about it instead. See this poem by Charles Bukowski for an example of what I’m talking about.  Fire in the belly, motherfuckers.

WRITING INTO THE DARK:  This is what real writers do.  Don’t believe me? Go ask them yourself.  Basically, it means just making up the story as you write it so that you experience it the way your readers do.  It’s fun. Do it. Seriously. Looking at a blank, white screen with a blinking cursor doesn’t have to be intimidating.  It’s the beginning of a fucking voyage, man.  Have fun with it; see where it takes you.  And don’t forget to pack a lunch.